Is Jello a dessert?

Baroness Buttercup has nominated me for The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. I will do a proper post (amalgamating it with the other nominations I’ve received). But her first question, viz.,

Should Jello ever be considered a dessert? Why, or why not?

requires immediate response.


With respect, Your Ladyship, it is plain that, in your youth on the baronial estate, you were isolated from rural Scandinavian Lutherans.

Jello is the canonical Lutheran Church basement pot-luck dessert. It is served at all weddings, funerals, Bible School graduations, Sunday School awards, Tuesday Clubs, Men’s Bible Study … . It would be served at the Gay-Straight Alliance meetings, if there were any gays.

But not just any Jello:

Lime Jello with mandarin orange slices topped with Miracle Whip!

Out at the West Jerkwater Evangelical Lutheran Church, they still talk about how daring Mrs Larson was to use red Jello! Of course, that was back in the 60s, and Mrs Larson had some radical tendencies. She even voted Democrat once. She claims that felt sorry for that nice Mr Truman, who was going to lose so badly to Mr Dewey.

It is rumored that the Methodists mix in marshmallows, and substitute Cool Whip for Miracle Whip. Just another indication that the Methodists are heretics, if not outright blasphemers.


But not all Jello is dessert.

Make Jello in a cake tin. Cut it into rectangles about three inches long by one inch wide. These make the most amazing toys.

They wiggle and shimmer.

If you put one on the table and push at one end, it will crawl along the table like an inchworm.

When it breaks, you have to eat it.

I don’t know if my family was exceedingly inventive, or exceedingly easy to amuse or just exceedingly goofy, but a tray of jello rectangles could keep me amused for hours. Even when I was a sullen teenager. Even though I hate Jello.

Which just goes to show you how exciting life can be out in West Jerkwater.


Jell-O and Miracle Whip are trademarks of Kraft Foods. No Lutherans or Methodists were harmed in the production of this post.

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5 thoughts on “Is Jello a dessert?

  1. The people that live across the street from me are Lutheran, but of the Nebraskan variety rather than Scandinavian. I’ve never partaken in their Jello rituals, but they’re lovely people who can always be counted on for a ride to, or pick up from, the airport.

    I’d think that having a mother who regularly eats Ramen noodles dressed up with nori, American cheese, mayonnaise and honey mustard salad dressing would mean I’m not surprised or frightened by any food combination, but Miracle Whip on lime jello?? Why? Why???

    Liked by 1 person

    • Miracle Whip was the part I never figured out. I never got a satisfactory answer from the Lutherans, either. Ewwwww.

      Another garnishing oddity: They top their tuna hot dish with crumbled potato chips. And their hamburger hot dish with Tater Tots.

      I was raised Catholic. We had our own bizarre food rituals.

      And as far as I can tell, all Lutherans are lovely people who can always be counted on for a ride to, or pick up from, the airport. Even when the airport is 120 miles away. They are just nice. They throw a good funeral, too.

      My Love was raised Lutheran, but she slid into the Calvinist heresy.

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    • PS: They’re only pretending to be Nebraskan Lutherans. They may have paused for a few generations in Nebraska, but shake a Lutheran family tree, and Scandinavians will fall out. Even if they’re German Lutherans. They may have changed their name for the Witness Protection Program, but, trust me, there are Johnsons and Larsons and Ericksons up there.

      Like

  2. Pingback: Well, OK then | Family Values Lesbian

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