Bad Lesbian: Headgear

This is going to out me as a bad lesbian,
with no sense of lesbian style,
but I gotta calls ’em as I sees ’em.

What is it with lesbians and headgear?

Do not wear a seed-corn cap unless you are a farmer or rancher.

[A seed-corn cap is like a baseball cap, except that instead of the logo of a ballclub, it has the logo of a seed-corn, cattle-feed or farm implement company, or of a farm-and-ranch store.]

You are not being hip. You are not being ironic. You are being a clueless hipster. Your are insulting the good, hardworking people who fill your table.

I see a city slicker in a seed-corn cap and my non-violent disposition is sorely tested.

You may wear a seed-corn cap if you are driving a pickup truck with a manual transmission.

You may wear a seed-corn cap if you have a farmer tan (about which I will write more later).

To my dear butch friends: Please do not take this wrong. I still love you with all my heart. But –

To be entitled to wear a seed-corn cap, you must go full butch and get a farmer tan.

Otherwise, wear a baseball cap with the logo of your favorite sporting team (as long as it is not the Boston Red Sox, the Chicago Cubs or the New England Patriots). And, of course, if you ride a motorcycle, a cap with its logo is 100% OK, although I would prefer that you wear a helmet.

Aside: One of my Love’s most prized possessions is a cap from a bull semen dealer. I mean, is that lesbian style, or what?

Do not wear your cap backward.

Why the blazes do you think they put the bill on the damn thing? To keep the sun out of your eyes!

If there’s one thing that annoys me more than a city slicker wearing a seed-corn cap, it’s somebody wearing a cap backward.

I just do not get it.

You may wear your cap backward if you are a catcher. (My little brother was a catcher in Legion ball. He wore his cap backward under his catcher’s skull cap. He gets a little crazy if he sees someone other than a catcher wearing a cap backward.)

9 thoughts on “Bad Lesbian: Headgear

  1. and if you are Butch and live in the country…. you often wear your favorite ball cap or camo cap backwards when when working out in the blazing sun because a sunburn on the back of your neck is about the worst thing imaginable ;) …. I have no idea what the city folks wear on their heads , or what kind of cap or logo they go for, but out here in the country it’s practicality over fashion lol ….. interesting post, gave me a few good chuckles , but it does make me wonder what is going on in them big fancy cities lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for the definition if a seed-corn cap. I love when I learn on the internets. I don’t think we have those in our big city. I am however sitting across from a guy in a beret at a Jewish bagel cafe. I love diversity! (P.S. Viva Las Vegas!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • We called it a “seed-corn cap”, even though the nearest corn field is probably 750 miles away. (It’s much too dry to grow corn where we’re from.)

      I expect that the term drifted West from Dakota and Nebraska. It’s got a nice sound, and if you’ve ever seen one, you know exactly what it means.

      The cheap ones adjust with plastic strips with holes and what we called “tits”. The better ones have velcro strips. The best are stretchy.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting post. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a “seed corn” hat. I do love wearing hats, and I do have lots of baseball-style hats, but none of them have an actual baseball team on them. A few have “Life is Good” designs. One (one of my favorites) is a super light, breathable fabric and just says “The North Face” (the brand). Several have the names of various national parks where I bought them (Glacier National Park, etc). One has a row of dogs, in rainbow colors. I think my hats pretty well advertise my interests :)

    I have to restrain myself from buying more hats, actually. When we moved last year, I made myself part with several of them in our yard sale.

    One of my favorite non-baseball hats is an old school, wide-brimmed army hat. It looks like it came right out of a Vietnam movie. Complete with a strap to hold bullets. My partner gave it to me — she earned it with years of active duty and reserve service (and two war zone deployments) and there is no mockery when I wear that hat. My only complaint is is that the brim could be wider…it doesn’t quite shade my ears enough on really sunny hikes.

    So I don’t think I’m breaking your rules. But in general, I wear hats that I personally like and that I think look decent on me. What you describe as seed corn hats sounds a lot like what I’ve always called “trucker hats”. The ones with the plastic tabs on back and the more square front. They look terrible on me, so no fear there.

    Anyway. Interesting. I’m not sure that I’ve seen anyone in my immediate circle of lesbian friends wearing the hats you describe.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It doesn’t sound to me like you’re breaking my rules! All those sound like perfectly appropriate caps.

      I have one of those Life Is Good caps, too.

      And that Army hat: Wear it with pride.

      Trucker caps look terrible on everyone other than truckers.

      Most of my caps have fire house or ski patrol logos. I like to drop in on them and contribute (anonymously and in cash) to the beer fund.

      I also probably have the world’s largest collection of hard hats in the possession of a lesbian engineer.


  4. As a native New Yorker who loves me a backwards cap, I have to say, it’s totally a NYC fashion thing. The hipster thing, well, I don’t get that, but if you are born and raised in the Bronx, or any of the boroughs really, chances are, you’ve worn your backwards Yankee fitted, pretty much since infancy. Or those terrible, terrible, Mets caps for the Queens folks.

    Now, I will say, I get terribly annoyed when people wear what we in NY call “Mesh Snap Back throwback” caps, your corn-seed cap (which I had to Google by the way). Unless, like you said, you drive a Peterbilt or Kenworth, have farmers tan, or the like, there is NO REASON whatsoever to wear one in the city. None!

    I get on my younger, Tommy Hilfiger Regional Manager, gay little hipster fashionista brother ALL. THE. TIME.

    But the backwards cap friend, I’ll stand behind that, and so will all the baseball cap wearing Yankee fans in my family. It’s just a New York thing, I think…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for clearing that up for me. It will keep me from mistaking a citizen of the Bronx for a clueless hipster. That could be fatal, you know?

      My only interest is in keeping my sister lesbians from looking foolish. I would never presume to comment on Bronx style, which, frankly, is an enigma.

      The fiancee being a fan of the Evil Empire, I will cut Yankee fans some slack. (Not that she would ever wear a cap backward.) As a loyal Cardinal fan, I don’t need to extend the same courtesy to the fans of the Metropolitans.

      I’d also cut some slack to anyone wearing a fitted cap. My StL Classic fitted is almost 20 years old, and it’s faded to a very nice pink.

      PS: The Evil Empire is the only franchise in any sport in the world that has more championships than my beloved Cardinals. Not that it bothers us Cards fans. Not at all. Nope. Not at all.

      PPS: “Mesh snap back throwback”? I love it!


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