Donor search

Flipping through the donor book from the fertility clinic:

Me: I’d love to come across a physicist or mathematician.

My Love: Supply and demand, sweetheart. If they were in here, their DNA would get taken right away.

Me: You’d think the geeks that can’t get a date would be lining up for this. The demand for their DNA would be so gratifying.

My Love: Easy there, my sweet: I was a geek who couldn’t get a date.

A little later:

Me: I worry that we’re engaged in a eugenics experiment. Gorgeous genius DNA looking for hunky genius DNA?

My Love: Think about it, sweetheart. What do you think straight people have been doing since forever? A straight woman wants to marry somebody who’s as smart, as ambitious, as good looking as she is. If we were straight, we’d each be married to some hunky genius. How’s this any different?

A little later:

Me: At this point, I’d settle for a doctor or a lawyer.

My Love: Is this a Jewish mother joke?

A little later. She tosses me a file:

My Love: How about an investment banker?

Me: Eww. Wolf of Wall Street?

My Love: My sweet, those guys were traders. Traders are animals. Investment bankers are very smart, very hard working and very ethical. At least the ones I work with.

A little later:

My Love: We are using the wrong sampling technique. This population is guys who advertise that they will jerk off in a jar to spread around their DNA. That’s fine, but the population we want to select from is geniuses.

Me: Right. And where do we find geniuses? In grad school.

My Love: Exactly. Columbia, NYU, right here on this very island.

Me: Princeton and Yale an hour away. Harvard and MIT up in Cambridge. Heck, my grad school. Get some of that good mountain DNA. So what do we do? Sneak into the science center and put up flyers on the Math and Physics boards?

My Love: With the little tabs at the bottom with our phone number?

Me: Run an ad in the Math and Physics journals?

My Love: “Wanted: High quality sperm for baby-fever lesbians. No further obligation. All expenses paid! Lube and jar included!”

20 thoughts on “Donor search

    • We thought we’d go through the clinic’s donor book first. Their screening seems rigorous and the donor data is informative. We may be too picky, but then, we’d be pretty picky if we were straight and looking for a mate, too.

      We’re going to have a look at the KDR when we have some time this weekend.


          • You will most likely over think and analyze every step and decision. Just remember to check in with your gut, too! Though I went the KD route, I don’t have issues with choosing a bank donor. My one thing is to give your child the possibility to talk to or meet their donor. I read a lot about the feelings and thoughts of donor conceived and adopted people and that impacted my decision a lot.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Us? Overthink? Nah. Not a chance.

            My goodness, even my fiancée is starting to overthink some of this, and I thought she was immune to overthinking.

            I hadn’t thought about maintaining a connection to the donor until I read your and other blogs. I see the wisdom of it, and have convinced my fiancée of its wisdom.


  1. That last one is pretty much what the banks do. When I taught engineering to little kids at one of the universities you mention, we used old copies of the student newspaper as building materials. We had to regularly comb the issues and remove pages that had questionable content. Sperm donation ads were aplenty.

    And my wife once heard a radio ad looking for donors while she was shopping (in Cambridge, natch) in the frozen food section with our newborn.

    But yeah, the selection process on the conception end is totally surreal. I came out of it barely caring about occupation, health history, and several other factors I’d been prioritizing going in. It was kind of humorous what ended up knocking people out of contention.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. Amazing. I guess I haven’t looked at a student newspaper in a while. (Not that I did when I was a student, …) There’s nothing in the back of my alumni magazine, and there wouldn’t be anything in the back of my fiancée’s alumnae magazine …

      Somebody should pitch a surreal comic lesbian TTC movie concept. “See, Harvey, she’s in the frozen food aisle and there’s an ad on the radio for sperm donors. Get it?”

      I’ll post an amusing story when I get a chance, probably tomorrow. 14-inning ballgame has messed up my sleep and blogging time. Go Royals!


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