Coming to grips with conception

Things one knows in the head sometimes become things one understands in the heart.


  • Separating conception from love.

Our child will be my child, a child of our love, a child I will love unconditionally. The person we are selecting will not love either of us or our child.

I understood that intellectually. But it wasn’t until we were flipping through the books – coolly selecting or rejecting the biological parent of our child based on a check-mark or a word or two on a form – that it became more than an intellectual understanding.


  • Separating conception from sex.

We can’t conceive a child in an act of love.

I understood that intellectually. But now I know in my heart that the best we can hope for is a kiss while jamming her with a turkey baster.

However, I intend to follow it up with an act of love.


We have real empathy for straight couples who face this, too.

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7 thoughts on “Coming to grips with conception

  1. Though there was no sex-love when I conceived, there was a lot of intention-love. And, there is love between his KD’s family and ours. Not romantic love, but a trust and respect and admiration kind of love. There will be more emotions and connections in all of this than you think.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There was a lot of intention-love in my daughter’s conception. My donor/her father took great care into taking care of his body before our inseminations, and he prayed for the soul of the child who would join me. That intention-love has turned into a different kind of love (not romantic) as my daughter grows.

    Like Jenn said – there will be more emotions and connections each step of the way than you can imagine at this point.

    Liked by 3 people

    • My heartache at the separation between love and conception is not that my son or daughter won’t be my biological child. He or she will be mine, as absolutely as if I had contributed egg or sperm.

      It’s a heartbreak that my love for my fiancée doesn’t enter into the conception, or does only as, at most, a clinical helper.

      Thanks to both of you for reminding me that I should stop overthinking this and enjoy the ride.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think you might be surprised at the amount of intimacy that this process can bring, and kudos for making sure the making of love happens soon after, it really makes such a big difference. If you think about it in an anatomy sort of way, the initial “plunge” isn’t when baby is made…. So there are plenty of time between then and conception to work your magic :) We are so excited for you guys to start this journey full force!

    Liked by 1 person

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