She’s a pro

My fiancée grew up on a ranch, what’s known in the business as a “cow-calf operation”. They have a herd of cows and heifers, each of which bears a calf every year.

They also have bulls whose purpose is, in sperm donor jargon, NI (natural insemination).

To maintain genetic diversity and for cows that haven’t been naturally inseminated, they use, again in sperm donor jargon, AI (artificial insemination). They buy frozen sperm from the owner of the bull or from a semen dealer. (One of her favorite caps has the logo of a semen broker, the name of which includes “Breeders”.)

She has inseminated thousands of cows and heifers.

I’m already feeling performance anxiety.

19 thoughts on “She’s a pro

  1. Also, this post reminds me how pleased I am that the (human) assisted reproduction community is moving the A in AI away from ‘artificial’ to ‘alternative.’ I equate it to replacing ‘gay/same sex marriage’ with ‘marriage equality.’

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I remember seeing a catalog that came in the mail to my parents showing the bulls and the pricing for their semen. They don’t have any cattle, but they live in a rural area, so it must have been some marketing blast. SO GROSS. Related, I am SO thankful for the internet…I would hate having to browse donors manually, or request lists from the labs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My goodness, you city girls are touchy!

      The coffee table at my in-laws-to-be is stacked with semen catalogs. I didn’t think there was anything odd about that until I read your comment. And her father thinks I’m a city slicker because I grew up in a town of 300.

      I can’t believe you wouldn’t love the pictures of the bulls! They are just gorgeous!


      • Hahaha, I’ll admit from what I remember, the bulls were HUGE. I was mostly disturbed by the way in which said semen might be collected. My inner animal rights/sexual rights activist was concerned about the likely lack of consent!! :)

        Liked by 1 person

        • If you grow up on a ranch or in a ranch town, you tend not to be sentimental about animals. (My fiancée says she’s never met a vegetarian who grew up on a ranch or a real farm.) If you have moral qualms about the bull’s consent, you don’t want to think about how they inseminate the cow or heifer …

          If you were going to have qualms about such things, you probably shouldn’t be around when they turn a bull into a steer. My fiancée is quite good at it. I am told that if she feels she is not getting enough respect from a male investment banker, she will describe the process in detail to him.


  3. We live in a fairly small rural town. The local restaurants sell advertising on their tabletops. Try eating your cheese dip that is placed on top of an advertisement for horse sperm. That’ll get ya every time!

    Liked by 1 person

    • OK, that would weird me out. It might even weird out my fiancée, although she tends to take a perverse delight in those sorts of things.

      I don’t even want to comment further, for fear it will call the image to my mind.


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