I intended this blog to explore my Christian faith, my traditionalist, conservative values and my love for another woman. Instead, it has exclusively addressed the last.

Partly, that’s because life with her has been such a revelation to me. Partly, it’s been that after a dozen utterly unmemorable years, my world is alive with joy and meaning that I never imagined. Partly it’s that everything in the last year has been new to me. I want to babble like a kid coming out of a movie.

But part of it is that I’ve found it difficult to express ideas about faith and values that are probably foreign to most people who read this.

One of the most startling things about New York is its pervasive secularism. Faith is as embarrassing topic as an alcoholic uncle would be back home. My Love warned me about that before I came out here, so I haven’t committed that faux pas at a fancy dinner. Still, it’s disorienting,

So I’m not sure how to address it. I don’t even know if anyone would be interested in it. If New Yorkers are any indication, I suspect most people would just click on after the first couple of sentences.

If that sounds like I’m ashamed of my faith, or afraid of what people will think, or afraid of losing followers – well, I’m not. It’s just honest perplexity.

I’m just not sure how to proceed. We don’t speak a common language. We don’t have a common cultural base.

It may just be my anecdata, but most people – believer and non-believer both – seem to stop thinking critically about God when they’re teenagers, if not before. If they think about God after that, it’s to read something that reinforces their belief – either the latest God-is-love inspirational or the latest Dawkins screed. Neither stands up to critical thought, but people aren’t looking for critical thought. They are looking for something to reinforce their uncritical thought.

I’m not condescending.

I understand that for most people, thinking critically about God isn’t as important as their job, or their kids, or the latest Bond film. It’s just not a part of daily life.

I’ve struggled with faith every day of my life. I had to. I could not accept the Catholic doctrine of my upbringing. But I could see that my argument was with Rome, not with God. It took a long time to find Him, although He was there all the time.

At 15, my fiancée became a thoroughgoing atheist. At 20, she heard the still small voice. She was just too damn self-aware and too damn logical and too damn brilliant to ignore it.

So I’m planning to write about faith. Even if you have none, I would value your attention.

12 thoughts on “Faith

  1. I often write about my faith on my blog, I approached it quite simply… I stated it was My Faith, My Beliefs, My God , and that I respect all faiths and atheists , I simply make sure that the reader knows I am only speaking about what I believe and I never claim it as absolute fact , what works for one person may not work for another. I use my own personal experiences and thoughts , I never quote the bible or preach, I let the readers know it is not my place or job to convert anyone or bring anyone closer to God..

    I do very much look forward to reading what you have to say :)
    Never be afraid to write about your own personal beliefs …. ever.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. Something our minister said a couple of years ago has always stuck with me: we all struggle, and most of us meet our struggles by working to understand how to be in the world, how to be together, and how to know ourselves. In the end, religion for me is a search for right relations. It is something I ponder weekly at minimum. I value your thoughts on such topics (and more).

    Liked by 2 people

  3. As a fellow city person, I definitely understand what you’re saying about NYC being secular and it being an embarrassing topic. People here seem to equate religion with a lesser intelligence level (however sad and untrue that may be). I am not a religious person by any means. I was raised as a Lutheran and from the moment I was able to make my own decisions about whether or not to attend or call myself a Christian, I decided against it. The church has never brought up good feelings within me. I am, however, very spiritual. My spirituality and faith is the foundation of my life. While mine may not look the way yours does, I am interested in hearing/reading about your faith, with open ears (eyes!) and an open heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We’re faithful too. It’s a somewhat complicated mix of both having grown up catholic, realizing that we would not fit within the catholic church (for many reasons) and finding the episcopal church as a warm, welcoming, and open-minded place of worship. I identify more with a jewish theology, but we both find the episcopal church to be where we feel most at home. Our parents can better identify with it, the traditions and music are familiar, and we have been openly welcomed. Also, every episcopal church we have visited is home to deep, intellectual thinkers, which we appreciate.

    I know blogs about her faith journey occasionally as well, and I always enjoy her posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was happy to read this as we are considering visiting an Episcopal church in the near future. We have stopped attending church that I was a member of because it no longer fit our family. A friend invited us to her and we are intrigued.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. That sounds fantastic!! I would love to hear another Christian Lesbian thoughts on Faith. I still struggle from time to time with my faith and sexuality. I probably will for the rest of my life at some degree.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This was my first post to read on your blog. After, I went back to the beginning and now I’ve come full-circle. I want you to know – as another God-fearing gay girl – that I see God in your writing, in your love, and in your personhood. You are truly an amazing and Godly woman. I am honored to read your thoughts on life and love and faith. Don’t think God is not a part of the posts about your love and the adventures you share each day. He is. I look forward to reading more pointed posts about faith and God but He is in all the previous posts, too.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s