In a box on the administrative page for this blog, WordPress shows the search terms that people have used to find it. Today was a red-letter day: There was something in that box! Somebody had found my blog using Google search!
What was the magic search? What thirst for knowledge led someone to that profound oracle, the Family Values Lesbian?
lutheran funeral jello
Whoever you are, I hope you’re satisfied with the result of your search.
Baroness Buttercup has nominated me for The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. I will do a proper post (amalgamating it with the other nominations I’ve received). But her first question, viz.,
Should Jello ever be considered a dessert? Why, or why not?
requires immediate response.
With respect, Your Ladyship, it is plain that, in your youth on the baronial estate, you were isolated from rural Scandinavian Lutherans.
Jello is the canonical Lutheran Church basement pot-luck dessert. It is served at all weddings, funerals, Bible School graduations, Sunday School awards, Tuesday Clubs, Men’s Bible Study … . It would be served at the Gay-Straight Alliance meetings, if there were any gays.
But not just any Jello:
Lime Jello with mandarin orange slices topped with Miracle Whip!
Out at the West Jerkwater Evangelical Lutheran Church, they still talk about how daring Mrs Larson was to use red Jello! Of course, that was back in the 60s, and Mrs Larson had some radical tendencies. She even voted Democrat once. She claims that felt sorry for that nice Mr Truman, who was going to lose so badly to Mr Dewey.
It is rumored that the Methodists mix in marshmallows, and substitute Cool Whip for Miracle Whip. Just another indication that the Methodists are heretics, if not outright blasphemers.
But not all Jello is dessert.
Make Jello in a cake tin. Cut it into rectangles about three inches long by one inch wide. These make the most amazing toys.
They wiggle and shimmer.
If you put one on the table and push at one end, it will crawl along the table like an inchworm.
When it breaks, you have to eat it.
I don’t know if my family was exceedingly inventive, or exceedingly easy to amuse or just exceedingly goofy, but a tray of jello rectangles could keep me amused for hours. Even when I was a sullen teenager. Even though I hate Jello.
Which just goes to show you how exciting life can be out in West Jerkwater.
Jell-O and Miracle Whip are trademarks of Kraft Foods. No Lutherans or Methodists were harmed in the production of this post.
Family Values Lesbian 